Have some Fun!

A man walking in the countryside meets a shepherd and a big flock of sheep.
The man tells the shepherd: "I will bet you 1000 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock."
The shepherd thinks it over; it's a big flock so he takes the bet.
"855," says the man. The shepherd is amazed, because this is the exact number.
Says "OK, I'm a man of my word, take a sheep." Man picks one up and starts walking away.
"Wait," shouts the shepherd, "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation!"
Man says "OK." "You are an economist working for the government," says the shepherd.
"Amazing!" responds the man, "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you conclude to that?"
"Well," says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell you!"

A study of markets usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is yesterday!

A market analyst is an expert who will know tomorrow
why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today!

The First Law of Technical Analysis: For every analysis, there exists an equal and opposite analysis.
The Second Law of Technical Analysis: They're both wrong!

A banker walks into a pizzeria and orders a pizza.
When the pizza is done, he goes up to the counter to get it.
There a clerk asks him: "Should I cut it into six pieces or eight pieces?"
The banker replies: "I'm feeling rather hungry. You'd better cut it into eight pieces."

Seven habits that help produce the anything-but-efficient markets:
1. Think short term.
2. Be greedy.
3. Believe in the greater fool.
4. Run with the herd.
5. Overgeneralize.
6. Be trendy.
7. Play with other people's money.

I'm thinking of leaving my husband," complained the broker's wife.
"All he ever does is stand at the end of the bed and tell me how good things are going to be."

Why has astrology been invented?
So that market technical analysis could be an accurate science.

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What do two plus two equal?"
The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?"
The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question "What do two plus two equal?"
The accountant says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question "What do two plus two equal?"
The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down close to the interviewer and says
"What would you like it to equal?"

An analyst is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy.
A technical analyst is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy!

Three market analysts went out hunting, and came across a large bear.
The first analyst fired, but missed, by a meter to the left.
The second one fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right.
The third analyst didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"

Three market makers and three investors were going for a trip by train.
Before the journey, the investors bought 3 tickets but the market makers only bought one.
The investors were glad that the stupid market makers were going to pay a fine.
However, when the conductor was approaching their compartment, all three market makers went to the toilet.
The conductor, noticing that somebody was in the toilet, knocked on the door.
In reply he saw a hand with one ticket. He checked it and the market makers saved 2/3 of the ticket price.
The next day, the investors decided to use the same strategy- they bought only one ticket.
The market makers did not buy any tickets at all!
When the investors saw the conductor, they went straight for the toilet,
and when they heard the knocking they handed in their one ticket.
They did not get it back. The market makers took it and went to the other toilet!

How many investors does it take to change a light bulb?
None - the market has already discounted the change.

Why did God create market analysts? In order to make weather forecasters look good!

Two stockbrokers are walking in a forest.
They suddenly get in front of a hungry wolf.
Acting quickly, one of the stockbrokers takes his walking shoes off and puts his high-tech running shoes on.
"What makes you think that you are going to out run this wolf by just using those shoes?" asks the other stockbroker.
"I am not going to out run the wolf... But certainly I am going to out run you!"

Aspiring investor to investment counselor:
"I'm drawing 10% interest on money in my savings account."
Investment Counselor:
"Hmmm, that's interesting! The best I've seen is 5% on savings accounts."
Aspiring Investor:
"I beat the system...
I put half my cash in one bank at 5% and half in another bank at another 5%!"

Take the Day Trader's Aptitude Test!